Update: The interview went well. I liked the people, and I felt excited at the prospect of the job.
Then I came home, and my son gave me the biggest hug, and he wouldn’t let go, and he rested his sweet little baby head on my shoulder, and I thought about how this isn’t going to last forever, and how surly my friend’s teenager is.
Thanks for reading everyone, and for your words of experience and encouragement!
I recently applied for what looked like the most perfect job ever. I do this every once in a while, just to force me to keep my resume up to date. Well, they called me for an interview. Never mind that none of my work clothes fit (how about four sizes too small!). Never mind that I don’t want to put my son in day care at all. Never mind that I have finally gotten my husband to understand and appreciate the benefits of a stay-at-home parent. We decided that I would go to the interview.
So it’s in a few days and I’m nervous. I have suitable pants, but I’ll have to purchase a shirt or sweater set or something. And I think I kind of want the job. What I really want is for them to say I can telecommute most of the time, so I can just get a babysitter in my house.
If we lived exactly the way we do now – only off of my husband’s pay – we could use my salary to pay off all of our debt in one year. We could plan our second baby during that year, and I could work until I delivered, and then quit. (Man, I hope the company isn’t reading this.) Financially, it would solve everything.
Emotionally, I don’t know if I can handle it. I keep telling myself to stop being a baby, that mother’s go to work all the time, and that there is nothing wrong with daycare. And I do believe those things. But I can’t help but feel like they’re just not going to know when he’s tired or hungry or bored like I do. Are they going to pay attention to him? Will he be happy? The honest answer is that he’ll be fine. He might have a runny nose more often, but he loves other kids, and he’d probably be thrilled to have someone other than mommy and the cats to play with. (The cats don’t give him the time of day.) He probably needs the socialization. And now that he’s figuring out the whole fake-cry-to-get-my-way, it might be better if a stranger stepped in and didn’t fall for it.
But that doesn’t make it any easier.