confession time

I am a whopping 180 lbs. I have gone up TEN sizes since I got married – six before my pregnancy, and four more after I had my son. At first I didn’t want to buy any new clothes, convinced I would quickly lose the weight, so I continued wearing maternity clothes. Then my friend got pregnant, and I felt bad, because I still had most of her maternity clothes, and I wanted her to have mine also, so I finally gave in and bought a few size 18 jeans and XL shirts. Ridiculous. The funny thing is that I still have my shape – it’s just bigger. I’m kind of blind to my size until I see a picture of myself and have to count my chins.

Well, really, enough is enough. This is why I’m so proud of my daily gym attendance. I’m up to 3 weeks straight.

Here’s problem one – I don’t love exercise. I’ve always maintained my weight by my activities. First there was cheerleading in high school. Then there was the dance team in college. I’d gain weight all spring and summer and lose it all during band camp – that’s right, band camp. I freakin’ loved band camp. I’d get skinny and get a tan all in one week. Then, after college, I played flag football and softball on teams with my coworkers. I love flag football. I’m a hell of a corner back. Not too bad at first base either. Then I joined the Army. I think this was my downfall.

See, up until this point, I wasn’t actually muscelly, I was just fit. But at Basic Training, I got muscles. I was still a size 8 (birthing hips or whatever), but my body fat percentage was around 12% – this is very low for me. Then I got married to a Dominican who loves all foods – especially those covered in cheese or sauce – as much as me. Five years and minimal physical activity later – I had creeped up to a size 14. And I won’t lie here, when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, “yes! I can eat whatever I want.” Which is exactly what you’re not supposed to do. My dad was like, “make sure you’re walking…it will make delivery easier.” I was like, “okay, Dad!” as I sat on the couch day after day.

Then I had to have a c-section and they had to cut some stomach muscles. And no, not because I hadn’t been walking. Apparently the width of your hips has very little to do with the width of your pelvic opening. My kid was too big. His poor little head was stuck for 40 min. before they made me stop pushing and have a c-section. I won’t lie, that surgery took some recovery time, but not nearly as much as I took.

So here we are today…fat fat fat.

But here’s the goal. By my 7th anniversary (August ’07) I’d like to lose at least 30 lbs. and be down to a size 12/14. At least then I can fit into the closet full of nice clothes I have. If I pass that up, even better. Then I’ll sell all my nice size 14 work clothes on eBay and buy myself new clothes!

I’ve been lying to myself for a long time about how much of a problem my weight is. No more. In fact, I saw that open calls for Biggest Loser are this weekend in LA. I considered going, but I couldn’t leave William for 12 weeks. Plus, there wouldn’t be anyone to watch him.

So I’m on my own. But that’s usually how I work best. Plus, when William is ready for flag-football in a few years, I want to teach him how to be a great corner back. The key is watching the receiver’s hips – this will be a great relief from watching my own hips. :)

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